Forgive or Forget

What is forgiveness?
: to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)
: to stop feeling anger about (something) : to forgive someone for (something wrong)

: to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed)

What is forget?

: to be unable to think of or remember (something)
: to fail to remember to bring or take (something)

: to stop thinking or caring about (someone)

For many years during my separation and divorce, I have been and still have been asked to forgive by close family and friends.  Why I say?   They say because when you forgive, you are actually doing it for yourself.  I still have pondered that very concept to this day.  Why should I forgive those that defied my sanctity of marriage?  Our future, our hopes, and our dreams to live the rest of our lives in harmony.  Sounds nice, doesn’t it?  Who doesn’t want the man/woman of your dreams, the house, that white picket fence, and all the little ones all around.  I know I did and I had it.  I had it for over 20 years.

But the world has changed.  Good luck in the days for those ahead that truly believe of that house, picket fence,  kids, and happiness ’til death do you part. I may sound bitter, which unfortunately I still am, but in my own happy way (if that makes any sense).  And you all know I am happy.  By all means. 

Marriage these days has taken a turn in this society.  It’s no longer Little House on the Prairie, it’s more like the Kardashions.  Wide open with no regards for one another.  Look at me right now?  I am writing you about it. But as you all know, that’s what I do.  I love to write.

I’ve been married and divorced, I’ve been thru more than anyone could ever imagine.  But I guarantee, there’s much worse I’m sure.  I am thankful to be strong, lead my boys in the direction which I feel holds true. To guide them into the direction of what the future holds.  My kids don’t dance on lollipops and rose petals.  They dance on reality.   Okay, maybe I throw in a few lollipops and roses every now and then. Lol!

If you recall my blog some time ago, “My Love Runs Red”,  I wrote about how my heart bleeds from those who literally cut me out of their lives after 25 years. Those who were beside me for every step of the way. Those who I thought actually loved me.  Well since that blog, nothing has changed. If anything, more resentment has taken it’s course.

I get texts like this from an in-law, “You need to grow up and put your big girl panties on and deal with life because two people can’t seem to make it work and there’s alot of accountability on your part, and maybe if you realized that, you will be able to deal with it and move on like everybody thought you did.”  Mind you, this is from an ex family member that has divorced 3 times by the age of 47.  Give me a break!

Like I am going to listen to this.  Where do these people get off by saying such nonsense?  I spent 25 years of my life with this family, and I have to just move on, just like that?  Sorry, it simply does not work like that.  Unfortunately, I have to deal with it everyday.  We have four boys to raise.

I was also told to keep my mouth quiet.  Ahhhh…..not a good move.  It’s called freedom of speech.  I found that quite funny after reading it over and over.  And I am sure some of you that do read this am surprised I am even writing about it.  Well, in a sense, I feel I had to.  I guess it simply makes me actually feel better.  In a good way.

There was some reasoning behind that text as to why I was to grow up.  Just to give you a blank synopsis I will add this to give you a broader idea.

In society you add in those single strays in your marriage that flirt, make those feel blissful, attentive to their day and work.  Those who creep in ever so quietly until they get what they want.  And that quickly becomes the deterioration of a marriage.  Rightfully so, it takes two to tango, but it also takes just one to wreck one’s home.  We call those home-wreckers.

Home-wrecker:

-A person who is blamed for the breakup of a marriage or family, especially due to having engaged in an affair with one member of a couple.

I knew it back then throughout the marriage. I clearly whined and complained about this person, yet it was all denied. So I couldn’t resist but to write this because back then, people thought I was crazy!  Well, today they are a couple. (Always have been really).

                                                      

~Divorce justified!~

Analysts say the effects of forgiveness on physical health are vast.  They include reduced likelihood of stroke, heart attacks and high blood pressure; reduced levels of stress hormone cortisol and a stronger immune system.  Lastly, the chronic stress of holding a grudge starts to show itself by the age of 55, taking a toll on one’s body.

So how do you forgive those who have done such great destruction to ones life?  To one’s children’s lives? Having to look at them each and every way seeing them truly broken by such selfishness.  Such lies?

Some simply can’t no matter how many articles you read.  Though I will try my best over the years to forgive, but for now, I choose not to forgive and will try very hard how to forget.